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endless solitude

by Notebook.

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1.
exit / entry 01:27
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2.
out of sight, out of mind 03:40
lyrics
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I notice the seasons changing I don't want my life to be a waste Adrenaline surging Doctor, we've got an emergency Breathe, breathe, breathe Someone put a battery inside of my back Anxiety had sent me a heartfelt letter and I didn't write back I got better things to do than to be playing 'round with you When I get untied, I'll bend these bars And be out of sight & out of mind Well, I'm out of mine Tell me how much you like it when I'm acting unkind Doing things out of spite You didn't even put up a fight I'll be out of sight and out of mind. I'm out of mine I'm over the pity and heart & all of the shame attached I guess that I'm hitting a swerve. I'm off of that lane at last I need me a fortune. I was a kid: they told me don't break the glass I didn't believe in bad luck. I made a mistake with that Sunken Place, I had to exit. I am feeling like Kanye; had to Runaway from the depression You can call me "Your Highness." Another name is disrespectful What a way to be respected. What a day to be respected Someone put a battery inside of my back Anxiety had sent me a heartfelt letter and I didn't write back I got better things to do than to be playing 'round with you When I get untied, I'll bend these bars And be out of sight & out of mind Well, I'm out of mine Tell me how much you like it when I'm acting unkind Doing things out of spite You didn't even put up a fight I'll be out of sight and out of mind. I'm out of mine Breathe, breathe, breathe
3.
friends & lovers 02:50
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Were you mind for me? Were you mind for me? Were you mind for me? We waste all of our time Inebriated, celebrating nothing at all. I love it: we’re sprawled out on this bed. Eyes rolled back in our heads It’s almost as if we’re dead But, I’ve never felt so alive This is like no other I won’t find another The way you give me comfort We’re best friends & lovers This is like no other We’re best friends & lovers Fall asleep on your chest. It’s hard for me to get rest That separation-anxiety. When you’re gone, it leaves me depressed I done lost me a lot, but you’re a part of me until death Even after we die together, in the stars we will connect You saved my life when I was spiraling to some abyss A Rising Sagittarius; the Higher Me you summoned with powers that I can’t define. I was surrounded by those clamping vines You saw a flower that was damned and dying Sprinkled Holy Water on it so it’s sprout and rise A pantomime. How could I descant the signs? I’ll scream aloud that I do fantasize about us by the candle-light I drown inside your damaged irises This is like no other I won’t find another The way you give me comfort We’re best friends & lovers This is like no other We’re best friends & lovers Were you mind for me? Were you mind for me? Were you mind for me?
4.
tokyo 04:48
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I am a ghoul inside of a tomb But shine like a ruby; not hiding my jewels I don’t make waves. It’s like a monsoon Pardon my attitude. I got a heart full of gratitude But, I can’t help but to flex on niggas, so How mad are you? How mad are you? How mad are you? They don’t take me loosely with the loose-leaf I’m in shape, but slightly obtuse and still alive through the bruises Far away, far away I imagine what they’ll say How could you ghost me? I’m done with the phonies I’d rather get lost No matter the cost I bought a one-way ticket to Paradise Swimming in neon-lights. I’m gone I think I’ll go to Tokyo I think I’ll go to Tokyo I think I’ll go to Tokyo I might take a trip to Japan out the blue to catch me a vibe Kimono Draggin’ behind me when I’m out. Some call me Senpai. U.S.A ain’t doing great. No wonder we just said bye Flying through is much better than making sure that you can get by Two Testarossas; black and red. I want them both like I went Bi Get a massive ring for my middle-finger to say “fuck you” when it shines I want the finer things. All of my life I dreamed to be iconic I looked in every pane of glass, then I realized it’s me Konnichiwa, Konnichiwa, I’m back I’m never sleepy, though; more insomniac I’m on my Ichigo Kurisaki, ya Heartbeat is gold, but even so: I got a hollow half Yeah Yeah, I’m on my way to Tokyo I’m on my way to Tokyo I’m on my way to Tokyo Don’t miss me when I go, I go Cause I don’t know you no more I’m on my way to Tokyo. Ooo I’m on my way to Tokyo. Ooo I’d rather get lost No matter the cost I bought a one-way ticket to Paradise Swimming in neon-lights. I’m gone I need a vacation. Light-speed’s how I’m racin I’ve seen a few places, but this might be where I’m stayin Nothing is new. I want to refresh. I did not tell my family yet Pushing that button to reset. Done with the fuckery we let happen too often. It be getting me mad how we’ve fallen If we’re the “Land of the Free”, then why are we trapped in these bars then? Cause things are getting old Need to heal my soul. Need to feel the glow It’s been dark a lot. Why am I in this zone? Oh no, I can’t be here for long This rollercoaster-ride that I am here upon Is ‘bout to take me to that place. Hope it don’t steer me wrong Konnichiwa, Konnichiwa, I’m back I’m never sleepy, though; more insomniac I’m on my Ichigo Kurisaki, ya Heartbeat is gold, but even so: I got a hollow half Yeah Yeah, I’m on my way to Tokyo I’m on my way to Tokyo I’m on my way to Tokyo Don’t miss me when I go, I go Cause I don’t know you no more I’m on my way to Tokyo. Ooo I’m on my way to Tokyo. Ooo I’d rather get lost No matter the cost I bought a one-way ticket to Paradise Swimming in neon-lights. I’m gone I’m on my way to Tokyo I’m on my way to Tokyo
5.
delirium 01:29
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Crazy I’m crazy for feeling so lonely I’m crazy Crazy for feeling so blue I’m delirious Seeing you float Chasing you throughout this garden of ghosts Please, don’t go I’ll pour my meds down the drain to hallucinate Hold you so close that the tears on my face Soak in your shirt before you fade away Crazy I’m crazy for feeling so lonely I’m crazy Crazy for feeling so blue
6.
heroine 02:52
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I’m falling I’m falling again It’s the Dope Show that I’m starring in Oh no, not again Battle-tested, but it’s hard to win Broke the stitches upon my skin I lost Too much of a cost Not much that I spend Courtesy of my friends It’s my fault Habits, behavior-patterns. I had to sustain some balance It actually made me crash and go back to the same disastrous Things that I promised in the past would remain in caskets What a revival. I grabbed a shovel and dug up the bodies Under the piles of dirt. They lay in the attic I hid them more than the truth of this chain-reaction I look you in the face and wrap it. But, just know that I’ll dangle backwards I’m straight embarrassed & strangled by shame and half of it’s I’m isolated. Tryna’ stay in Touch with my family-tree I lie awake and Lie to fake that I’m happy Chain-smoke until the day’s over Pray no one knows I ain’t sober Tryna’ work with a faint motor I’ve been hurt and ashamed. Closer to my loved-ones I want to be. I’ve been stuck in this dungeon With monsters that keep me company Momma, why would you run from me Now I sleep with your ashes inside my pillow Right under these ugly dreams. I could fuckin’ scream I’m a fiend for disaster because it seems nothing keeps Sadness from touching me. I relapse when the love is bleak I collapse and pick up the phone just to have my Grandmother speak Only that is the drug I seek But, this hero’s lacking his heroine A bag full of heroin is so bad a comparison I need you now more than ever I’m isolated. Tryna’ stay in Touch with my family-tree I lie awake and Lie to fake that I’m happy I’m falling I’m falling
7.
endless solitude 04:28
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This solitude is my home It’s calling you, but say no I’m used to this. I’m not losing it I’m a fool for thinking I’ve grown Yeah There’s a snake inside my psyche doing circles Scared that maybe I’m just lying and the world knows Who I am, where I stand I’m a child, not a man, so alone I wanna’ die in my sleep at night So I can see you when I’m ‘bout to take flight I think the frequency is breakin Need to reconnect because I’m on another wavelength I wanna’ die in my sleep at night Just so I can see what it’s like Just to feel what you felt. I can’t heal from the guilt I think the frequency is breakin’. I’m on another wavelength Am I glitching out? I just sit and pout What should I do So, I tear through the wall to the realm that you are I see your holographic body there, I’m in awe But, that’s what I want. You say to fight ‘til I’ve had me enough That I’m too young; that I should keep living on ‘til I am what I haven’t become That I won’t be successful until I can kick these bad habits with drugs That I won’t feel any bliss or healing from it when I’m practically numb You never got to see me sober, and now the honesty is over It’ll take a lot for me to hold up. It was a robbery from God He freed you. Shockingly, it’s not what he had told us It’s probably what got to me the most that I can’t stop the bleeding Coppin’ pleas for all the things I owe ya There’s a snake inside my psyche doing circles Scared that maybe I might lie up in that dirt-hole Who I am, where I stand I’m a child, not a man, so alone I wanna’ die in my sleep at night So I can see you when I’m ‘bout to take flight I think the frequency is breakin Need to reconnect because I’m on another wavelength I wanna’ die in my sleep at night Just so I can see what it’s like Just to feel what you felt. I can’t heal from the guilt I think the frequency is breakin’. I’m on another wavelength So alone Yeah Yeah I wanna’ die in my sleep at night If you ain’t allowed to live, then why the fuck should I I think the frequency is breakin I’ma leave the Earth so we can get back into sync then You’re an apparition. Imagined figment I hated when our contact was distant but now I’m here. I’m not trapped. My fear is all black. It’s voided Mad enjoyment from the isolation You and I until the pact is different When you say to go back, the tears’ll fall That’s the river I’ll have to swim in The lady you sent for protection’s reflective of you and I grab the image Hold her close just to have a semblance of the motherly love I had as a kid, and I know My Artificial Angel I’m dead with you forever
8.
alone / together 00:41
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about

This album is dedicated to my Mother, who is now Resting in Peace on the Other Side. I can't be with her on Earth anymore, so I designed a World in which I can. This is Endless Solitude.

Available on All Digital-Platforms: fanlink.to/notebookendless

credits

released September 22, 2022

Produced, Written, and Engineered by Notebook. himself. Artwork also designed by Notebook.

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Notebook. Morgantown, West Virginia

Notebook. is an Alternative / Hip-Hop Musician that has been breaking down the boundaries between genres for seventeen years, all while putting his graphic, movie-like journey sonically on display. Limitation in Art is not a rule that he abides by, and the extreme highs and gut-wrenching lows of Notebook.'s life-experience is what also makes his work so relatable. ... more

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